Five things Nigel Latta did for parenting

Parenting interventions for the treatment of challenging behaviour in childhood are some of the most effective psychological interventions we have. There’s a spectrum of support available from light-touch large-group talks to intensive individual clinic-based sessions. These methods have something in common: they’re very effective, but not very cool. Nigel Latta’s work played a key role in de-stigmatising and normalising open conversations about parenting and making parenting information more accessible.

Parenting information is for everyone

There can be shame and stigma attached to accessing parenting information, as if only inadequate or inexperienced parents need it. Kiwi psychologist and author Nigel Latta, who died last week, dared to suggest that this material was useful for every parent, and his slightly naughty phrases (“Don’t take any crap”) loaned edginess to material which otherwise might be perceived as irrelevant or dull.

The ease or difficulty of the parenting journey is shaped by many factors. These include a parent’s own experience of being parented, the characteristics of individual children and their health needs, life experiences, cultural norms and expectations, and a parent’s physical and emotional wellbeing.

But every parent can benefit from information about common parenting challenges. It might be a new phrase or technique to add to a parent’s toolkit, or the relief that comes from hearing that other parents can struggle too.

Information needs to be shared thoughtfully

Latta knew that simply telling parents what to do wouldn’t work. Earnest, well-intentioned professionals are often confused or frustrated when they dispense evidence-based insights to a parent and the parent isn’t impressed, let alone willing to take their advice.

A parent who is already feeling vulnerable, uncertain or defeated needs to be handled with care and compassion. And, as humans, there are many things that we have scientific information about that we know would be useful to do more of (exercising, oral hygiene) or less of (drinking alcohol) but this knowledge doesn’t lead directly to behaviour change. Latta understood that telling parents what to do was less effective than casually but strategically targeting parents’ self-efficacy, confidence, and motivation using humour and skill. He created a social licence for parents to try different things.

Language and framing matter

Parent management training, behavioural parent training, evidence-based parenting support – this collection of well-established material is known by many formal names in the scientific literature. Nigel Latta’s books, Before your kids drive you crazy, read this! and Politically incorrect guides were his mainstay.

His target audience was everyday parents who had common challenges with their children. His bite-sized insights, whether it was books, evening talks in school halls, or media appearances, served as a palatable gateway to more comprehensive offerings if they were needed. On a menu of parenting supports, his offerings were appetising and interesting entrées that often left parents hungry for more.

Tackling thorny parenting topics

Latta’s witticisms often cut directly to the core of topical trends or controversies within parenting. “There’s some modern silliness around,” he said in an interview with RNZ’s Guyon Espiner. “There’s a thing called ‘respectful parenting’ which looks to me like something from Monty Python. Like, if you’re changing a nappy, you have to ask the baby’s permission: ‘Look, son, your nappies are dirty. I don’t wanna shame you, but would it be all right if I change your nappy?’” Here, he was boldly addressing the limits of the ‘exclusively positive parenting’ movement.

Parents are often deeply concerned about whether they measure up. Latta wasn’t afraid to name this taboo topic overtly. He developed an App with a ‘Good-parent-o-meter’ on which users could accrue ‘parenting goodness’ points to playfully engage and motivate.

Core psychological theories for modern parents

Latta also had a talent for making solid psychological theory accessible. His ‘ladder of doom’ is a fun example of a behavioural therapy derived from Applied Behaviour Analysis. Behaviourism tends to get a bad rap on social media, but Latta knew that the core ideas – that our behaviour is influenced by what happens before and after it, and that we can learn a lot about how to shape behaviour by curiously observing its patterns – remain hugely relevant to parents today.

Parenting is a serious undertaking, and modern parents face pressure to understand and apply the latest science to everyday challenges. Professionals who attempt to communicate ‘the science’ often find themselves earnestly sliding into furrowed brows and irrelevance.

Nigel Latta dared to bring a sense of humour, lightness and fun to parenting. He embraced the science, while leaning in to relaxed, ‘parent-next-door’ camaraderie, and in doing so left an enduring legacy. In his own words, “just some ideas so it’s not quite so much of a grind”.