The long goodbye: PhD honours sister’s 14-year battle with cancer

Luis Medrano Gomez remembers the day his little sister was born.

He was 12 - old enough to help his mum, Luisa, through cravings and swelling feet. He’d spent months playing music against her belly and talking to the baby as though she was really listening.

By the time Hany arrived, she felt less like a sister and more like a daughter.

Seven years later, as Luis prepared to start his architecture studies in Mexico, life was upended. Hany was diagnosed with a cancer that would rear its head repeatedly over the next 14 years.

It was the beginning of a long and tumultuous journey for the family - one that would unfold across their home in Mexico, treatment trips to the US, and eventually Luis’s doctoral studies on the other side of the world, in New Zealand.

On 4 May, that journey reached a milestone. Luis, now 34, crossed the stage at Waipapa Taumata Rau, University of Auckland, graduating with a PhD from the School of Architecture and Planning. The first PhD in his family.

"My mum’s very happy, she was telling me the other day about how proud she is of everything I’ve achieved despite the circumstances and all of the challenges," he says.  

Luis’s doctoral journey began at an uncertain time for the world.

After completing his masters in Mexico and working in New York for three years, he applied for doctoral scholarships around the globe. University of Auckland came back with a ‘yes’ - just as the pandemic began in 2020.

"They told me, ‘Look, we don’t know when you’re going to be able to travel. You have the scholarship, you’re in the programme, we’ll let you know. It’s likely going to be a few weeks'."

Unable to enter New Zealand, Luis completed his entire first year of full-time study from the US, without a stipend.

"It was tricky, a whole year with no income and no idea what was going to happen. A few times I thought about suspending my PhD and going back to work, but my supervisors kept encouraging me."

In mid-2022, he was finally granted a border exemption. He had four weeks to pack his life up and get on a flight to New Zealand.

He visited Hany in Los Angeles to say goodbye. Mere days before the move, she received a fresh cancer diagnosis. Luis was torn.

"A lot of my friends and family were telling me, don’t go to New Zealand. She had been fighting cancer for 10 years at that point.

"I had a chat with her and she told me, ‘I don’t want this to affect your PhD. You’ve been with me all this time. It’s time for you to follow your dreams'."

Luis’s first months in New Zealand were quiet and isolating. Auckland was still under restrictions and he didn’t really know anyone. The distance from his mum and sister felt sharper than ever.

He spent his days cycling around the city, sorting out bank accounts and phone plans, and trying to settle into a place that felt "almost like a different world."

As he adjusted to a new country, he immersed himself in his research -exploring how retrofitted social housing can better support people’s needs and behaviours to improve warmth and energy efficiency.

Life eventually settled into a rhythm. Until April 2024, when everything changed again.  

Hany’s cancer had returned, aggressive and terminal.

"The doctors called my mum. The cancer had come back and there was nothing that could be done. Chemo and radiation hadn’t worked.

"One of the first things my sister said was, 'Don’t tell my brother. He’s going to worry a lot and come here immediately and I don’t want that'.

"But my mum couldn’t hide that from me, so she called me and I booked the first flight that I could."

Hany had been given 10 weeks, but things could change any day. Luis suspended his studies for three months to be with her.

"It was so difficult being far away, because I spent 20 more hours on the flight thinking about it without being able to do anything.

"I went from being angry to hopeless to sad to desperate. In the end I said, ‘Okay, my sister wouldn’t want me to go there to make things more difficult for her, and my mum needs a lot of support.’

"My mission was to go there and give her the best weeks that I possibly could."

In those final weeks, Hany and Luis went to Disneyland, swam at the beach, and visited Michelin-starred restaurants. They made jigsaw puzzles, played Monopoly and Rummy, and visited Solvang, a small Danish town in California. And on Hany’s 21st birthday, they went to Vegas.

"We got her her first margarita and took her to the casino. It was all about making her happy and trying to distract her from everything.

"For us as a family, it was trying to be as strong as possible during the day and silently crying and organising other things during the night."

He remembers her looking at him one evening and saying, "I gotta ask you -first, how are you paying for all this? And second, what’s going on with your PhD because you’ve been here for two months.'

"I couldn’t believe she was going through all that and still thinking about others."

The pair had exactly three months together. Hany passed away on 17 July 2024.  

A year on, working through intense grief and setback, Luis submitted his PhD on what would have been her 22nd birthday. And on graduation day, he remembers her in every step.

"She was the most wonderful person I’ve ever met. She always had a smile on her face, she was very resilient and kind.

"Everyone used to say that she had an angel because it didn’t matter if you knew her or not, as soon as you met her, you’d be in love with her.

"My first motivation to study a PhD was to be able to help my sister and my mum when I had the chance. Now I’m planning to keep going with that promise to my mum while always remembering my sister."

With his mum visiting New Zealand for the first time, the pair are beginning to work out what life looks like without Hany. 

Luisa's here for seven weeks, and Luis is planning to take her around the motu, beginning with day trips to Tiritiri Matangi and Waiheke Island.

"She dedicated 15 years to being in hospitals, clinics, she kind of suspended her life as well for so long. 

"It’s a great opportunity for her to get to know what she likes and explore new places."