Positive relationships and consent
Whether you are in a long-term or casual relationship, you and your partner deserve to be treated with respect. Take the Positive Relationship Quiz
A good adult relationship is built on:
- Honesty and trust
- Freedom to talk to or text whoever you want
- Being alone when you want
- Spending time with other people
- Feeling good about yourself
- Give and take
- Being liked for being you
- Getting closer at your own pace
- Being heard
- More good times than bad
- Freedom to change your mind.
An unhealthy or controlling relationship includes someone close to you:
- Resenting or stopping you spending time with others
- Constantly wanting to know what you are doing and where you are
- Telling you what to wear
- Name calling and putting you down
- Being jealous, possessive and accusing you of being unfaithful
- Snooping on your phone, internet activity or social media
- Behaving erratically and/or blaming you for their behaviour
- Threatening you, your family, or your pets; threatening suicide
- Sexually coercing or pressuring, refusing to accept ‘no’, or sexually assaulting or raping you
- Physically abusing you.
Sexual violence is any sexual behaviour that does not include consent. It’s called sexual violence because it can hurt people physically, emotionally, socially and spiritually.
Sexual violence includes rape, sexual abuse, incest, molestation, sexual assault, sexual coercion or sexual bullying.
Most sexual violence is committed by people who are known to, and even trusted by, the victim. It can happen between people who have just met or who have been involved for a period of time.
If you have experienced sexual violence
Contact the Police on 111 or HELP as soon as possible. HELP provides professional and specialised support services to sexual abuse and assault survivors. For immediate support and assistance students can also contact the University Health and Counselling Service.
If you have witnessed a sexual assault on one of our campuses
Everyone is asked to assist in making our University a safe place by being alert to suspicious situations and promptly reporting them.
If the person is harmed or an incident is in progress, contact the police on 111 immediately.Once you have contacted the police, contact University Security to report the incident (Ext: 966 or phone: 0800 373 7550 if calling from a mobile phone).
Stay with the victim, providing comfort and support until the police or University Security arrive.
- Consent is a free agreement made together about any sexual situation or experience.
- Consent is always agreed to in the moment. Having consented previously doesn’t mean you consent in the future. Being married doesn’t automatically mean there is consent.
- Consent is not a contract. You can change your mind. If you are not comfortable with something you have a right for it to stop. It’s OK to say stop.
It isn’t consent if:
- You are too drunk or drugged.
- If someone forces, threatens or coerces you in anyway – verbally, physically or emotionally.
- You are under 16 years old.
It’s OK to say “Stop”
- You don’t have to consent to your partner’s requests.
- You can always change your mind.
You can stop
- You have a responsibility to respect your partner’s
- You are always able to stop.
A video produced by Thames Valley Police (UK) makes the issue of consent crystal clear:
- This organisation works with young people to promote respectful sexual relationships and prevent sexual violence. Rape Prevention/Education Rape Crisis Auckland 2014.
- Is it really love? areyouok.org.nz
- This isn’t love…This is CONTROL. Family Planning New Zealand
- Sophie Elliott Foundation